Why I Always Ask for Directions When I'm Lost...
- R.E.A.C.H. Team
- Aug 4
- 5 min read
Who am I? What am I? Where am I? Why am I?
These questions lived rent-free inside my head during a season of my life when it felt like everything was crashing down. I didn’t know who I was anymore. I thought I was a man that loved, honored, and respected his family and community, but now I was questioning whether any of that was true. I thought I was a role model and a living example of how making the right choices would lead to a meaningful and abundant life. But my choices had seemingly done the exact opposite.
I was angry, sad, frustrated, ashamed, and confused. But I knew I couldn’t stay there long. I had a family to provide for, children to raise, a company to try to keep afloat even after filing for bankruptcy, and a personal life to restore. So I did what I should have done at the first sign of trouble. I got help.
I started going to counseling because I didn’t want to waste any more energy blaming anyone else for my life outcomes. I wanted my issues diagnosed so I could work through them. I knew I had to get my personal life together before I could rebuild my professional one. Therapy, journaling, and accountability with people I respected and who cared about me became essential. But I also needed to figure out my business life, because that was the only way I could keep my promise to my family to provide, no matter what.
I was invited to a gathering of community leaders/elders who wanted to pour into and prepare the next generation of changemakers and I could not have accepted the invitation faster. I attended the session and was inspired by the men who were now in legacy mode, ready to pass on their wisdom and experience to those of us coming behind them.
One of those men was John Gregory, the founder and CEO of the National Center for Urban Solutions and the African American Male Wellness Agency. After the meeting, he approached me and said he wanted to talk about where my company was and where it could go. I was grateful for the offer and couldn’t wait to meet with him.
We got a meeting on the calendar for the following week. I was excited to get there. I was counting down the days and when the day finally came, I jumped in my car and raced to his office. When I showed up and walked in, he took one look at me and said, “What are you doing?”
I said, “What are you talking about?”
He said, “Let me rephrase that. What are you wearing???”
I looked down at myself and my outfit. I had on a green hoodie, baggy jeans, a pair of Timberlands, and a fitted New York Yankees cap.
“What’s the problem?” I asked.
He said, “The problem is, if I had a potential client sitting here with me who could offer you a contract, not only would you look unprepared, but you’d make me look like I don’t take this work seriously either. Nobody would look at you the way you’re dressed and say, ‘Let’s give this man some work.’ People only take your work as seriously as you do. So let’s go ahead and reschedule this meeting, and you come back when you’re ready to show me you’re serious.”
I was stunned. I hadn’t expected that to be my first lesson in good business practice. He said, “You have to earn the right to show up to a business meeting dressed like that. And you have not!” Then he wrapped up the conversation, told me to talk to his secretary to reschedule, and said we’d try again another day.
Nobody had ever talked to me like that before. But it was the reality check I needed. I left his office and immediately got on his calendar for the following week. Then I went home and just sat there thinking about what had happened. I started reflecting on how many opportunities I might have missed because I didn’t have the process side of doing business figured out.
I wasn’t going to make that mistake again. The following week I reconnected with John, this time dressed in a suit and tie like it was Easter Sunday. He laughed and said, “Maybe that’s a bit too much, but I can tell you get the point.”
Over the next several months, we met regularly, and he showed me what I needed to do to get the business side of my work in order. He even had his business manager help me get all my company documentation organized. Then he contracted me for work his organization was doing with young people. To this day, I still tell people there is a before John Gregory and an after John Gregory version of R.E.A.C.H. Communications and they are vastly different!
The old saying goes, “Closed mouths don’t get fed”. Because my pride and ego kept me from opening mine, I had nearly starved myself personally, professionally, and almost physically. But enough was enough. I decided that whatever I didn’t know, I was going to do my best to figure out. And I wasn’t going to do it alone! I didn’t want handouts from anybody, I wanted advice, information, and direction. I was hungry all over again and it was definitely time to eat!
Now I’m thankful to every mentor, friend, family member, and colleague who loved me, lifted me, embraced me, and endured me through every high and low. Who recognized my hunger and allowed me to eat from their table until I was full…always.
I feel like one of the best ways to get where you're trying to go, whether it's personally or professionally, you should always ask for directions. 99.99999% of us are usually on a path that someone else has already traveled. So my advice is always to seek insight from people who are at where you're trying to go.
Sometimes it's we struggle even knowing what to ask. So we created a resource that can help you ask the right questions to get the right directions. Please download, use and share it with folks you care about.
And here's a really short video I made that talks about how important it is to use maps. As always...please, please, please share this video with folks you know.
Thank you so much for the work you do,
but most importantly for the person you are.
Also don't forget to share this to your socials!
I love you because I am you!
