Why I almost got expelled from school...
Most of my high school career was spent caring way more about what other people thought of me than what I thought about myself. I spent so much time and energy trying to get other people to like me or think I was cool that it nearly cost me everything on more than one occasion. Fortunately one of the literal life threatening moments was a wake up call for me that made me realize I had to make some major changes. So with some help from so adults that truly cared about me, I started the journey of turning my life around.
So coming back to school my senior year, I had a new attitude, a new outlook, and a new style. I was creating a new identity for myself. And even though I wanted something new, different, and better, there were still people in my life who wouldn’t let me get past my past. A lot of times when I tried to talk about my new future, there seemed to be someone nearby, ready to remind me of my old past. Sometimes it was people at school, sometimes people in my neighborhood, and sometimes it was even people in my own family. It got very frustrating and made me want to give up on more than one occasion.
One of those occasions happened in English class one day when I went to pull my homework out and realized I had left it in my locker. I asked my teacher if I could run and grab it since my locker was only around the corner, maybe 50 feet away. She trusted me, so she told me to go ahead, even though the hall pass was already being used by someone else. I went straight to my locker, grabbed my homework, and was headed straight back to class when another teacher, one I had history with, saw me and immediately asked, “Where’s your hall pass?” I explained my situation, but it was like he didn’t hear a word. He snapped, “Go to 215!” 215 was the office where you were sent if you were getting written up, detention, Saturday school, or suspension. I tried to explain again, “Sir, my teacher told me I could grab my homework. The pass was already being used.” But he wasn’t listening. He repeated, louder, “I said go to 215!” For some reason this teacher went from zero to a thousand without little to no provocation. Maybe he was having a bad day. Maybe he was recalling something I’d done in the past. I don’t know, but whatever it was, it had nothing to do with me in this moment. I pointed toward my classroom, which was about 30 feet from where we were standing, and said, “My teacher is right there. You can ask her.” He didn’t want to hear it. His face was starting to turn red, his breathing got quick and heavy, and before I knew it, he tried to blocked me with his arm against the lockers, to stop me from passing him. I felt like he was ready to stop me from going anywhere except 215, no matter the cost.
I remember I wasn’t even angry, if anything I was confused. But his energy made it feel like we were about to fight. I knew what my body felt like when I was on the verge of throwing hands, and this had all the signs. My friend Brian, who had the actual hall pass, happened to come back right then and saw the whole thing. He asked me what was going on and I remember I said to him, “I think I’m about to get expelled!” At that moment you couldn’t tell me that me and this teacher weren’t about to get into a physical altercation, only this time I wasn’t the one instigating it! Thankfully, another teacher came around the corner, read the situation, and immediately de-escalated. He pulled the angry teacher aside and told me to go back to class. And that was that. But it was one of those moments that could’ve gone all the way left if I’d matched that man’s energy.
I’ve told this story often when I’m doing professional development trainings for school staff or adults who work with young people, and 99% of the time I have told it as a cautionary tale about what not to do or who not to be like. And what I realized this year, after almost 30 years of sharing that story is that I should have been highlighting the teacher who came to my rescue. I should’ve have talked about his ability to stay calm, assess a situation, not jump to conclusions, be open minded, and recognize my value. Those are the skills and traits that adults working with young people should work on developing in order to make a significant impact.
I remember how frustrated I felt because the first teacher didn’t believe me and didn’t want to give me a chance. And I think one of the things young people want more than anything is to be believed.
Young people want to be believed…
When they say they have dreams
When they say the care about their future
When they say they are struggling
When they say they need help
When they say they are innocent
I recognize that belief and trust go hand in hand. When I’m working with young people I share with them that one of the keys to success is getting people to trust you and the way you can do that is by being consistent and predictable with your attitude, actions, and reactions. I also recognize that they live in a world and in environments that are often extremely inconsistent and unpredictable, so finding the strength to be what others are not can sometimes be a challenge.
My hope is to be as consistent and predictable as possible with my relationships, with my work, and with my responses to life. They say it's not what you know, but rather who you know. I say it's not who you know, but rather who knows you and what you are known for. We created a resource to help you and anyone you know decide who you are and what you are known for. Please download it, use it, and share it with others.
And here's a quick video of one of my most requested pieces that reminds us that your past doesn't disqualify you from your future and the choices we make from this moment on are the ones that matter most. Please watch, reflect, and share with your network!
As always, thank you so much for the work you do,
but most importantly for the person you are.
Also don't forget to share this to your socials!
I love you because I am you!
