How My First Crush Crushed Me...

I remember my first crush. Her name was Heather. We went to kindergarten together, and I’m pretty sure I was spellbound from the moment I saw her. I couldn’t wait to see her when I got to school, and I hated to leave her when the day was over.

Every time we had story time or group work, I tried to sit next to her. Halfway through the school year, our teacher rearranged everyone’s seats, and she actually sat us at the same table! All my 5-year-old dreams had come true!

We both had older brothers who were friends, so I figured that meant we had to be friends too…by law!

I have two very distinct memories of Heather. The first was one day at recess, we spent the whole time walking around the playground and talking about Star Wars. The movie had just come out, and we had both seen it. That conversation took precedence over everything. No slides, no swings, no jungle gym, just two nerds-to-be discussing their favorite scenes and characters from the movie.

At one point she said, “You should come over to my house and play Star Wars with me!” I’m not sure, but I think that qualifies as being asked out on a date. I don’t know, but I know it felt amazing. We never went on the date, but it was fun to be asked, I guess.

The second memory wasn’t so great. Somehow, someone in class found out I liked Heather and whoever it was made it their mission to tell everyone! Once a week, our class walked to the recreation center across the street for Phys. Ed. and I remember one day, on that walk, the entire class started chanting, “Javi likes Heather! Javi likes Heather!”

The chant followed us all the way there and all the way back. I was mortified! I could also see how embarrassed and annoyed Heather was, and there wasn’t a thing I could do to stop it.

But here’s the kicker, even our Phys. Ed. instructors joined in! Two full-grown adults humiliating two kids who didn’t really even know what “liking” someone even meant yet! I don’t remember what we did in class that day. I don’t remember the games or the stations or the activities. All I remember was the walk there and the walk back.

When I think about it now, I’m reminded of that Ram Dass quote: “We’re all just walking each other home.”

Looking back, I realize how badly I needed someone to walk me home that day. Not literally, but emotionally and psychologically. But those two adults didn’t walk us home. They allowed and even engaged in our humiliation. I feel like they failed us.

That’s part of why I do what I do now. My mission, my work, and my heart, is shaped to help people arrive wherever they’re going safely. Mentally, emotionally, and if necessary, even physically. Sometimes all we need is someone who sees us, walks with us, and helps us get there whole.

When we got back to school it was reading time. We all gathered on the carpet so our teacher could read us a book. I sat down first, silently hoping Heather would sit next to me like she normally did. Instead, I glanced back and saw her huddled with a couple of other girls, whispering. I couldn’t hear the whole conversation, but I saw her lips move and I could clearly make out the words she was saying, “I don’t even like him that way!”

That was it. My first crush crushed me.

I don’t remember much else from that school year. Heather and I went to the same elementary school all the way through till it was time to start middle school. We drifted apart. Different friends, different interests, different lives. I think the next time we actually had class together was in 5th grade. We didn’t hang out. We didn’t talk much. We coexisted. By then I had moved on with my life. I’d had crushes on plenty of other girls in the years between.

Toward the end of that year, Heather and I got assigned to a group project together, and we started talking a little more. I don’t remember the project. I don’t even remember our conversations. What I do remember as clear as day is our very last moment of elementary school together.

We were all gathering our things at the end of the day, saying our goodbyes, and waiting for our bus number to be called for the last time. A whole new life in middle school was about to begin. Heather’s bus number was called, and as she walked past me, she turned slightly over her shoulder, and said, “Bye Javier. And I have a crush on you!”

And then she walked out of my life. Just like that. No explanation. No way to follow up. No phone number. That was the last thing she ever said to me. At that point, it just felt strange. I didn’t feel like I’d missed out. It didn’t make me long for what could’ve been. It was more weird than anything.

Maybe somehow she remembered that day in kindergarten when everything changed. And maybe in those last months of our last year together, she saw me again for who I was back then. Maybe she felt bad about what happened that day in kindergarten. And maybe her final words to me were her small way of walking me home.

Every day we have a chance to add light to the lives of every person we come in contact with. Whether it's your best friend in the world or someone taking your order at a restaurant. Our words, actions, and reactions all matter.

From this moment on, I am challenging myself and I'm challenging you to be intentional about adding more light to the lives of those around you. The old saying goes, "If you don't have anything kind to say then don't say anything at all". For 2026 and beyond, let's start with a new saying and doing, "If you don't have anything kind to say, find something kind to say and say it". It may be hard sometimes, but I think the work is worth it.

I'm attaching a free resource you can use to create a plan for being a light in the lives of others. Please download it, use it, and share it with others.

FTMO - Creating Communities of Care.pdf

Download PDF • 280KB

And here's a real quick video about using our words and actions to help people feel valuable and necessary. Hope you enjoy it and share it! Thanks!