Why I Gave Up Faking it and Focused on Making It...
- reachjavi
- Jul 7
- 4 min read
I often wonder if there is actually anybody on the planet who can honestly say that since the explosion of smartphones and social media around 2012, their life has truly gotten better because of it. That they have more peace, more joy, and a higher quality of life. I’m not talking about people who became social media influencers and make money from it. They’re still the vast minority. And I know that a lot of them struggle with stress, anxiety, and depression, no matter how exciting their social media posts make their lives appear to be.
I really believe history will show that smartphones and social media are among the most dangerous and volatile things ever created. Smartphones and social media are the Wild West. Anyone can access them and do almost anything they want with them. And by now, we’ve seen countless lives destroyed or deeply damaged because of it. Of course with AI now being introduced, the danger and risks are only increasing. For me personally, the real win will be the day I finally throw away my smartphone and go back to a flip phone. When you see me walking around with a flip phone, just know my life has officially elevated to the next level!
I say all that to say this, I’m so glad smartphones and social media didn’t exist when I was doing a lot of work in and spending a lot of time in New York and LA. I know I would have been completely caught up in trying to stunt like I had more than I had and was living a life far more grand than I actually was. Thankfully one of my last visits to L.A. put everything in perspective for me.
I was going out there for a celebrity event that I felt like was going to require me to show up looking like I belonged there. I went out and bought an outfit I couldn’t afford and even hit up a couple of friends to borrow some of their expensive jewelry. I was wearing a watch that cost more than my car and necklaces that probably could have fed my family for a year! I wanted all eyes on me when I got to the event. It was held at the L.A. Museum of Contemporary Art, and it was a who’s who of Black Hollywood. Everywhere I looked, I saw somebody that had me starstruck.
I was out until about two in the morning, then a group of us including a couple of well known actors went to a late-night diner for an early breakfast. After that, I was driven to the airport in a limousine to head home. When I got out of the limo at the airport, people were looking at me, trying to figure out who I was and where they’d seen me before. And yes, I had my sunglasses on just to make me seem a little more mysterious.
On the plane, I started reflecting on the weekend. Something was gnawing at me though, and I realized it was the fact that I’d spent the entire trip faking it. I had exaggerated what I did for a living and made up stories about my fancy watch. A few people commented on it, and every time they did, I came up with a new, clever explanation for how I got it. I still don’t know why I didn’t just tell the same story every time, or why I didn’t just tell the truth. As much fun as I’d had in the moment, now on the plane it didn’t feel as good. It didn’t feel real. And doing all that faking exhausted me and took me right back to how I felt for most of my high school years. Only this time I wasn’t a teenager. I was a fully grown adult with a family, and a job and real life responsibilities!
When I landed in Columbus, I grabbed my bag and headed outside. Not to get picked up by a limo, but to catch the airport shuttle back to my car. And my car, at that time, in the year 2008, was a 1986 Chevy S10 pickup with a dented front end that I couldn’t afford to get fixed. When the shuttle dropped me off and I saw that old truck waiting for me, it hit me. The energy it takes to fake a lifestyle isn’t worth it. I sat in my truck for a few minutes and made a decision. They say, “Fake it till you make it,” but I say if you spend more time working on making it, you can spend less time trying to fake it.
That was the commitment I made to myself that day. And that was the last time I went to L.A. or New York just to spend a weekend pretending to be somebody I wasn’t. From then on I was determined to just be myself whenever and wherever I showed up. And if who I was wasn’t enough, then that was just too bad.
I felt pretty good about that life lesson. But the lessons still continue. With social media it seems like we’re all competing to present the best version ourselves. We compare our real life to the filtered and carefully curated version of everyone else’s life and then end up feeling like something is wrong with us.
My friend Shaun Derik says, “When you don’t know who you are you start taking suggestions from other people.” I think it’s incredibly important that we spend time on our own, figuring who we are for ourselves, not for everyone online we feel compelled to impress.
We’ve created a resource that I encourage you to download, work through, share, and discuss with others. It’s a guide you can use to help you write your own story. To identify who you are and what you stand for.
And here's a really quick video I made that talks about the importance of being your most authentic self. As always, please share with folks you know.
Thank you so much for the work you do,
but most importantly for the person you are.
Also don't forget to share this to your socials!
