3 People Whose Opinions Really Matter

Something happened my freshman year of high school that had never happened in my entire education career ever! We got our report cards on a Friday, like we always had. I expected the same results I’d always gotten. Every year of every grading period had been the same all through elementary and middle school…Cs, Ds, and Fs. Maybe one or two B’s if I got lucky. So when my report card came in the mail after the first grading period of my freshman year, I opened it up expecting the usual. But right there at the top, in bold print, were two words I had never seen in my entire academic career...Honor Roll!

I checked the envelope to make sure it was addressed to the right house. Then I checked the name on the report card. Still mine. Surely there had to be a computer error or something. I didn’t get on the honor roll. I didn’t get A’s and B’s. That must’ve been some other Javier Sanchez at our school, one that actually did homework, studied, and made an effort. Because this Javier Sanchez didn’t do that.

And what made it even more confusing is that nothing had changed. I didn’t enter high school thinking, “New year, new me. I’m turning over a new leaf. Time to buckle down.” Nope. Same me. Same leaf. No turning. But somehow…I got on the honor roll!

Looking back, I kind of understand why. See, in elementary and middle school, I went to lottery schools with more rigorous academics. The grading scale was different, too. At those schools, 95 to 100 was an A, 85 to 94 was a B, and 75 to 84 was a C, and so on. But now I was at a regular high school. Less rigor. Different scale. Now, 90 to 100 was an A. 80 to 89 was a B. 79 to 70 was a C, etc., etc. That shift made all the difference. Even though my attitude hadn’t changed, my grades did. I accidentally made the honor roll!

What I also couldn’t believe was that I felt more embarrassed than proud. I think I was embarrassed because some of my new, so-called “cool” friends started teasing me about it. And back then, I cared more about what other people thought of me than I did about what I thought of myself. So when they called me a nerd, a lame, or the teacher’s pet, I took it personal. I didn’t like it. So even though I saw how proud my mom and dad were, it didn’t inspire me to keep going. I just stuck to what I was already doing. I figured, if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it. Why make more effort if what I was already doing got me on the honor roll?

And sure enough, the second grading period came along, and there it was again…Honor Roll. Third grading period? Same thing. Honor Roll. But by the time we got to the fourth and final grading period of the year, it was like the Honor Roll train had reached the station. Because that report card looked just like the ones I’d been getting all my life. Back to Cs, Ds, and Fs.

It only took about six months for me to start living down to other people’s low expectations of me. No one expected me to be a good student. And I didn’t expect it of myself either. Little by little, I started putting less energy into school and more into impressing girls and my friends than my teachers or parents. And that was that.

One of my mentors taught me that, “What we can do often times is greater than what we will do.”

Basically what he was saying is that just because we have the ability and even the opportunity to do new, different, or better in our personal or professional lives, our tendency if we’re not careful, is to settle. That willingness to settle is often influenced by the opinions of others.

Since we know we are the summation of who we’re surrounded by, it’s important to remember that there are only about 3 kinds of people whose opinion of you should really matter. I call them the 3 P’s.

People whose opinions really matter are those that are:

Preparing you for your future

Providing you opportunities to elevate your life

or helping you become a better Person

When we run our friends, our family, and definitely the people we’re connected to on social media through that auditing process, it can almost certainly keep us from wasting time, stress, and energy on people whose opinion really shouldn’t matter. I know sometimes it’s easier said than done, but I also know the work is worth it.

Below is our Travel Companion Handbook. It is a guide we created to help Mentors and Mentees have a meaningful and productive experience.

Please download, use, and share this however you see fit.

And here's a real short, hilarious video that shows a time when my son's can do's far outweighed what he was willing to do! Enjoy it and share it! Thanks!